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Nathan’s Magical Tips! Dealing with your POST-OLYMPICS BLUES

March 2, 2010

Hamster wheel!! Whooo!



Remember. Don’t do anything stupid.
But PLEASE, do something ridiculous.  But before you let your imagination go wild and find a carbon-steel wok to hit your head with, let me say…DON’T DO IT!!!  Just stop, listen, and read my “guided”, “nathan will keep you safe and sane” tips.  And hey, I’m a Certified Canadian Counsellor (CCC) with the Canadian Counselling & Psychotherapy Association, so dang it, I’m a professional.  And shouldn’t you listen to a professional?  Okay, so without further ado, please read on!

Instant MAGIC! Tips to Deal With Your Post-Olympics Blues

1.)  Go dress up in a Luongo jersey and become a bonafide weirdo: bring a puck and stick with you, and walk around downtown, demanding that every stranger you meet take a shot on you.

2.) Go make you own giant hamster ball thing (you know that “zorbing thing”) out of old wrapping paper cardboard pipes and roll around your local playground while all the school kids squeal in absolute joy (but your spouse/gf/bf, family, and friends look on with confusion)

3.) Eat WHATEVER you want RIGHT NOW (as long as it’s legal). Oily, fatty, sugary, caffeinated, whatever (advice applicable only for 24hours.  After that, you’re back to your regular eating habits…hopefully, those are healthy).  Remember, no illegal stuff!  If you “trip out”, it’d better be from a really thick, sugary Slurpee and not from some weird drug you grabbed from Commercial Drive.

4.) Keep screaming and dancing until you annoy your boss so much he/she gives you a promotion. With a payrise, won’t you feel a whole lot better?

5.)  Go take the Millennium Line, and Pray that it’s a time machine. Hey, so what if you ride it for 6 hours hoping the train will somehow take you through time and space into either London 2012 or Sochi 2014.   At least you’re doing something.

Dear Lord...

6.) Pray for the Canucks to win the Stanley Cup every year from now, until 2012 or 2014. PLEASE PLEASE, Pray for the Vancouver Canucks.

7.) Dance like a psycho hockey enforcer at your local night club. If you’re a clubber, just dress up in your favourite hockey gear, make sure you bring a big hockey stick, and just keep dancing and swinging your gloves and stick until you knock everybody out.

8.) Dig up some old toys and make your own Olympics. Transformers, barbies, and all..make your own fun!!!

9.)  Come visit Nathan in London. The brilliance of this speaks for itself.

10.)  Take a random photo everytime you turn to your LEFT. Meh, why not?

11.)  Squeal like a Canada Goose everytime you turn to your RIGHT.

12.) Eat 10 Jalapeno peppers at once when you feel the most blue.

13.) Go to the beach at night on a really cold day, go skinny dipping, and then get arrested. I guarantee, the Olympics will be a distant memory by this time.  Bonus:  Even more memorable if you get arrested by a police friend of yours!  Whoo!

14.) Go drink 20 medium cups of Tim Horton’s coffee within 30 minutes.   You’ll be going to the loo (= toilet) so often, you’ll forget about the Olympics.

Ahhh...elephants...Can they do no wrong?

15.) Everytime you go to the loo, go decorate it with Luongo memorabilia. Get it?  “Loo” = Luuuuuuuu….  This is especially fun, if you do this AFTER you drink 20 cups of coffee and make yourself run around several blocks.  So you’ll be decorating MULTIPLE LOOS!!! LUUUUUU!!!

16.) Send your $5000 to Nathan in London. You’ll feel like a real Good Samaritan and really live out the Olympic spirit 🙂

17.) Create a monstrous giant Gummi Bear and let it wreak havoc over the city. But not a “violent” havoc.  More of a cuddly, “Care Bears countdown” havoc.

18.) Buy some hamsters, dress them in Team Canada uniforms, and watch them roll around the hamster wheel, while you sing the National Anthem

19.) Go Ziplining at Grouse Mountain in your undergarments. “Nuff said.

20.) Catch and Cook a Canada Goose. Self-explanatory

21.) Get rid of your Olympics gear by sending it to Nathan. Why sulk over something that’s over?  Why remind yourself of all the good times you had?  Get rid of those lousy Olympics mittens, keychains, mooseheads, jerseys, and expensive clothing by giving it to me.  Email me at to get my current address (feel free to include some money, if you like)

Don't do it!

22.)  Okay, fine.  If you MUST go against my advice, then I guess you can’t stop yourself from grabbing that carbon-steel Wok in your kitchen and hitting your head with it. It’s your life, eh?  If you do, you’re not allowed to say I didn’t tell you it would hurt a lot.  Because it will.  Remember, I’m against this idea, professionally and personally. At this point, if you do decide to use your right hand to raise the wok and whack your forehead with the wok, make sure it’s not hot, and not filled with sizzling oil.  if you’re really hurting, be sure to call 9-1-1.  In fact, if you’re not bleeding too much, you can email me, and then whenever I check my mail, I’ll call them for you via Skype direct-to-landline.  If you’re knocked out…errr…well, like I said, it was against my professional advice. 😉

~~Okay, that’s all I got right now.  But if you thought of something I didn’t, why don’t YOU share what YOU’RE doing to help get rid of the Olympic blues?  Feel free to post comments and suggestions.



This zorbing thing looks fun

2 Comments leave one →
  1. The Moj permalink
    March 2, 2010 12:04 pm

    you forgot to add #23…

    call up your local radio station, refer yourself in the third person, and scream like a freak 😉

  2. Christon permalink
    March 3, 2010 4:38 am

    Very humble post, I think you only mentioned yourself 3 times ;p. I can’t believe you stayed up to see quite a bit of the olympics. Weren’t you supposed to develop some “normal” sleep patterns over there in Europe? By the way we were all laughing when we found out that you had called Jon and left a very short message.

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